Recently, at a party, a dance floor allowed me to dance with abandon. It made my spirits soar. I turned into my real self, i.e., animated. I was either dancing or hopping from one person/ group to another, being cheery and my boisterous self.
Now, like I’ve said earlier too, either I’m formal or I’ve no filter. In this bouncy state, without a doubt, I was loud. Maybe I wasn’t even thinking twice before speaking. But trust me, I wasn’t saying anything that would even remotely offend anyone.
Having built this background, let me come to the incident. I had met a lady for the first time at that party. She ‘seemed’ to be chilled out, speaking as excitedly as I was. She asked an acidic question to N.
When a party leaves a bad taste in your mouth…
The lady asked N if he gets to make any decisions at home. Of course, N being N, he doesn’t pick up the undertones of these caustic comments. Or maybe he did & decided to laugh it off, I don’t know.
This question had come from the lady AFTER she had met me & bantered with me. I’d found her amiable; we’d even exchanged numbers. So, when N told me about this exchange, I was confused.
Just because I was animated, the lady assumed I was authoritative. How did being boisterous automatically imply that I was controlling? She mistook my ebullience as an attempt to dominate.
My three cents for the lady’s assumptions –
Me, bemoaning my ‘lost’ image… :D
- Being bouncy is about outward expression, while authoritativeness is about exerting power over others. Can you please give an example of why you thought I was trying to exert power over anyone?
- Someone who is animated is simply excited/ passionate, not necessarily trying to control the conversation/ situation. When we conversed, dear lady, I asked you about your work. I let you control the conversation. So, how did I become controlling?
- This assumption, that someone is being overly dominant simply because s/ he is boisterous/ loud, is a subconscious bias. I expected better from a Human Resources professional, darling!
That’s all I’ve to say today. People often say that first impressions matter. Nevertheless, I’ve come to realize that they are misleading most of the time. We don’t know a person till we KNOW the person.
So, the next time, you’re forming an assumption/ impression, please STOP! And tell me, has anything like this happened with you? It can be the opposite too – people had assumed you to be diffident just because you were lethargic.
