I recently read a blog post by Jenny in Neverland on the Benefits of Alone Time & nodded my head vigorously at every single point. But her post got me thinking about the times when the lack of alone time affected my mental health & my behavior.
My first experience was at business school. My friend & I switched roommates so that we could be together but as soon as we moved in together, our friendship moved southwards. We argued incessantly. Soon she started spending more time in another room.
As soon as our cohabitation ended, we were friends again. I was naïve then but now I know that it was largely due to me. I felt my personal space encroached. I felt stifled. & no, it had nothing to do with her. I realized I liked being on my own.
When it was time to find an accommodation in Mumbai, I did so with three other batch mates, thanks to the exorbitant real estate prices. But I had learnt a bit of a lesson about living with others. I worried that I may offend more people.
Mercifully, my employer sent me off to consulting assignments to remote locations. Out of the 11 months that I was supposed to stay in this apartment, I would have stayed for barely two. And in those two months, I would defer going home as much as possible.
On weekends, when my flatmates would go out socializing, that was the time I thoroughly enjoyed being at home. At times, I felt I was crazy. At others, I appreciated my preference of being alone.
My last tryst with being a flatmate was with my cousin. Surely, I would be happy living with someone who was my friend since childhood. But she was talkative & I loved my quiet time. I felt guilty many times; I was not being the buddy she expected me to.
And, again, as soon as she moved to another city, we were good friends again. I had really learnt my lesson that I did not perform well when living ‘with’ someone.
At one point of time, my closest friend and I looked for an apartment together in Mumbai but when it did not materialize, I think I heaved a sigh of relief. That was one friendship I could not jeopardize.
When not alone, I find myself lost.
When not alone, I feel insecure.
When not alone, I cannot relax.
When not alone, I am unproductive.
When not alone, I find myself restricted.
I also enjoy doing things alone. I watch movies alone in a cinema hall. I eat out alone. I go on solo trips. Those are my favorite moments. On the other hand, if I must be in company for an extended period, I start getting worked up. I become reclusive. My smile leaves my face.
& I undergo an incredible amount of stress, so much so that it shows on my face. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not understand this. I am then told, “you should go out more” “you should be more outgoing” “you should party more” “it’s not good to be alone” etc.
Folks, the lack of alone time affects me mentally, not the other way round. Ever since I became a full time, work from home blogger, I have been asked innumerable times if I do not get ‘bored’ at home. Seriously? How does one get bored in her/ his own house??
I have felt more liberated since & have enjoyed every second of my ‘being alone’.
Of course, now I live with N. Initially there were moments when he would not understand my need for ‘alone time’. But we have worked on it. He appreciates my need to be lone. I acknowledge his need for conversations.
So, if you want to see me happy & not reeling with anxiety, it is best to leave me alone! 😊
