Un-mothers

Today, a week after Mother’s Day, I want to speak to the ‘un-mothers’. Un-mothers is the label given by society to the women –

• Whose child abandoned her,
• Who lost a child,
• Who had a stillborn,
• Who had a miscarriage,
• Who could not conceive, no matter how much she tried.

It is okay. You are okay. It is fine to grieve. It is fine to get a lump in your throat every Mother’s Day. It is fine to avoid social media on days like Mother’s Day & children’s day when the world seems to be putting up pictures with their children.

To the one whose child abandoned her, please try not to grieve for an ungrateful kid. You are enough on your own. Or, maybe, s/ he had her/ his own compulsions. Forgive them!

To the one who lost a child/ had a stillborn/ had a miscarriage, nothing I say will sound substantial. But, look at yourself, you survived. & there is still hope.

To the one who could not conceive despite trying, please do not despair. I can understand you yearn for it, but motherhood is not just biological. Adopt. You will be surprised by the amount of love your heart contains.

I add another type to the un-mothers – the child-free. The women who decide to not have a kid. Please do not get burdened by what ‘society’ thinks of you. No, you are not selfish. No, you do not have to apologize for your choices. You get to decide what is meant for you & what is not.

Ladies, all of you, I understand your loss & void. But does life always turn out the way we want it to? Please know – you have survived the worst storms. You are strong. You’ve love in your heart that you can still give to someone. But, first, please love yourself!