A few years ago, my father, one of my friends & I entered into a discussion which made me think a lot. The topic revolved around how every individual has an absolutely different view on marriage. My father mentioned the various perspectives that emerge.
There are people who treat marriage as a formality. They do it because there is societal pressure & because they have the attitude of “karna to hai hi, to khatm karo bas”.
There are others for whom marriage is a huge deal; they wait eagerly for that moment. Their lives revolve around how they would want to lead a married life, what they would want to do for their spouse etc.
There are those who cannot stand the idea of getting married & scoff at the ‘institution’. And, so on & so forth.
There was a particular category of people that completely stood out-The category which changes the world. My father mentioned about the kind of people who never entertained the idea of marriage. Thanks to those folks, technology is what it is today & we revel in that lap of luxury. Thanks to those folks, we live in a habitable world. Thanks to those folks we have an electoral franchise. Thanks to those folks, we can question where our tax money goes. Thanks to those folks, you work for multi-million-dollar organizations that pay you the way they do. These are what I call, the ‘crusaders’.
The crusaders sacrificed their family time for the greater good. Their days, nights & lives went in the betterment of the world. They had a vision; that vision was priority for them. Relationships & family were secondary. They were no ordinary people. They were folks about whom we read in newspapers & magazines & whom we quote when asked “who do you admire?”
I have nothing against the crusaders. On the contrary, I marvel at their dedication, knowing well that they are what I can never be. But I have a doubt & maybe an opposition. If their pursuits are of most importance to the crusaders, why do they bother being in a marriage or a relationship or having a family? I know there could be a number of reasons but do these visionaries not apply their minds, & their strong will?
Why would the crusaders want to be bound in a situation where they have demands on their time & energy? Where their spouse would expect them to reciprocate the love? Where they will be expected to conform to social norms? Where their children would want both the parents to be around?
Knowing well that there is a basic minimum that needs to be done, why would the crusaders want themselves to be subjected thus? Do they believe that their partners will stop having expectations from them? Or do they believe that they will change with time?
In a worse situation, despite knowing themselves, what if they still make promises to their prospective partners? & when they are questioned on breaking those promises or on why, in the first place, such empty promises were made, how do they expect to handle it then? Do they get defensive & say they never made any such promise? & do they get aggressive & say that they have no intention of fulfilling those promises?
Since their minds & hearts are so heavily into pursuits, they do not bother about their relationships & families. Their commitment & involvement levels towards emotional aspects are nonexistent. Relationships that enable the crusader to follow her/ his pursuits more aggressively are possible only when her/ his partner & family have no hope. But then, what is life without hope?
I strongly feel that such folks should not get into relationships in the first place. What they do is to make the other person suffer in the course of their own neglect. Intentionally or not, they put the person in front under a lot of agony. & they are unable to fathom the extent of the pain as they themselves remain untouched by the matters of the heart.
Such people are able to think of the masses but not about the one person who is struggling to adapt to them. Such people are also unable to make any effort in sustaining the marriage or relationship. They forget that you cannot clap with one hand.
To such people, I feel like saying ‘charity begins at home’ but it will be futile for it will fall on deaf ears. To such people, then, I only wish to say that they should not get involved with anyone, until unless they find a similar crusader.
Two individuals can coexist if they do not have to bother about the other, but if one of them bothers, then the relationship is disaster written all over it.
Like one of my friends mentioned, & something that has been churning in my mind ever since, “It is easier to be Narayanmurthy than to be Sudha Murthy.”
