An Ordinary Girl

I am a mother – to a son, a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law and a daughter. Am I a good mother? I like to think so, for my children have turned out well. I have always been soft-spoken and gentle; I found it difficult to scold my children when they did some wrong. The disciplining bit was left to my husband. I was always the indulgent mother hen. Now, I wish, I had a strict bone in my body.

She made me realize this – my daughter-in-law. Is this a classic ‘saas – bahu’ story? Perhaps but it is definitely a rarity for me. It was love at first sight for me. She was shy, smiling & soft-spoken. She reminded me of myself. I knew she would be the perfect addition to my family. At the wedding, I beamed. I felt my family becoming complete.

In the beginning, I empathized with her when she chose to communicate with her parents and family more. After all, I had once been a girl too who had left her parents and come to an unknown household. There is, of course, hardly any girl who becomes comfortable with her in-laws from day one. I gave her time.

One thing led to another, even before the earlier one would subside. Even though we met only twice a year, I could feel her aloofness. Petty acts on her part surprised me; sarcastic comments even more. She would not visit us, but would go to her parents’ place at least thrice a year. She would not let me speak to my son. She would blanch when she heard we would be visiting.

I asked myself if I was the reason she disliked us. I could not find an answer. I had not hurt a fly in my life; it was just not me to upset anyone. I admonished myself – it must be me; but, she treated my daughter equally contemptuously. I had heard her declare openly that she had not wanted to be married into a family where there would be a sister-in-law. I wondered if my daughter had said something to her. She was equally clueless and hurt.

My grandchildren want nothing to do with their paternal grandparents either. I wonder what they have been told about us. Mercifully, my extended family has rallied behind us. It is not easy to see your world falling apart.

It is even more difficult to watch your son retreat into a shell. He tries hard to be normal but fails; so do we. He has given up trying to build a bridge.

I have introspected. I have spoken to my confidantes. I have tried reaching out to her. All in vain. I do not even know the crime for which I have been punished. It is not easy to go through each day knowing you are disliked.

More importantly, I fear for my son. I hear his house is not a home. He goes through the same turmoil I do.

Do you know what a mother’s anguish is? Imagine your life where you have been fired from work, the love of your life has left you and you have been diagnosed with a life-long illness. Now multiply this with hundred. That’s a mother’s anguish…

The last I heard – she lamented that in-laws’ love was not her destiny. I wipe away my angry, helpless tears. Maybe her preferred version would unfold in the future. Perhaps mine too, unless it is too late…

Note: I dedicate this to all the mothers-in-law who have not had an easy time due to their daughters-in-law. We are too used to reading/ hearing about evil mothers-in-law. The situation the other way around can be as painful.

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